The Way It Was When I Was Little

I love to think about the times when I was little.  I definitely have happy memories of my childhood.  I remember learning to tie my shoes in kindergarden.  I remember trying so hard to learn to ride my bike (my first bike was purple and had a long purple banana seat with fancy strands of glitter streamers coming out of both ends of the handlebars).  I remember riding the bus.  I remember having an 8:30 bedtime which seemed ridiculous to me in the early grade school years when it wasn't even dark outside at 8:30 during the summer months.  I remember the strict rule that if you had a baseball/softball game during the evening, you could not go to the pool during day in order to maintain all of your energy.   I remember sitting at the exact same place at the dinner table each night with my family (even though we didn't have 'assigned seats,' we operated as if we did).  I remember that without exception, my Dad made us buttered toast each morning before school but none of us ever ate it.  I love remembering our Christmas traditions:  the cozy, sleepy nights traveling to midnight Mass on Christmas Eve and waking up on Christmas morning to a living room abundant with gifts.  I remember playing in the backyard with my brothers, riding bikes with our neighbors, and overall feeling very happy and safe knowing that I belonged to a very loving family.  


I hope that I can offer my boys a similar childhood.  Carefree days of play.  Summer fun.  BBQs.  Great neighbors.  But I often think of how different things are now and how I will be able to accomplish the same end result with a different set of circumstances in a different time.  In some cases, I think that what we have now is better.  It is hard to believe that when I was a baby, there were no infant seats (and no rules strictly enforced to ensure that children were buckled securely); that seat belts likely weren't safe and not worn regularly anyway; that people smoked basically everywhere, kids gnawed on plastic and toys full of lead, climbed on high steel monkey bars, and electrical outlets were always in plain view and available for a finger to be inserted.


It is clear to me that parenting standards have obviously changed over the years, but I worry about a lot of things that my parents did well that I'm not sure I can replicate.  I came across an interesting article in my Parenting magazine that cited a few differences between the generations and the items I cite below definitely resonate for me personally:      


My Mom and Dad cooked.  Actual Meals.  In pans.  In the oven.  Everyday. And if we were hungry, we ate.  We never went to McDonald's.  We didn't order pizza.  We only got soda on special occasions.  We ate meals with a proper starch and a vegetable.  And we couldn't get up and play until the food was gone (or substantially) gone from our plates.   


They Sent Us Outside to Play. We played outside most times until after dark. I'm sure that I told my parents (in general) where I was, but overall, I guess they didn't question my safety in our own neighborhood.  


They weren't afraid to discipline us. At least, that is how it seemed to me.  My Mom and Dad weren't afraid of looking like a "bad parent" at the mall. They weren't afraid of telling us 'no' and that we were out of line and punishing us accordingly (sometimes with Dad's belt and an occassional wooden spoon on the butt).  From what I can tell in my generation of parenting, parents are easily embarrassed and insecure about disciplining children. In the event of a meltdown, most parents just want to get out from the public's eye, lest they be subject to judgment.  


Less parenting philosophy. It seemed to me that when I was little, things were casual and parents just naturally knew what to do and that most families were similar to each in that regard.  I do not recall distinctions between families that home-schooled their children, only drank organic milk, were vegan, were opposed/not opposed to vaccines, gluten-free families, 'green' families, etc. There were just families. And they played. Together. No one was on their soapbox trying to assert their will, or looking down on others for not following suit.


They knew the value of money.  Definitely better than now.  We had some toys and we played with them until they basically fell apart. We didn't get a new toy every time we cleaned our room.  We didn't have Nintendo DS's with fifteen games, an iPod, a cell phone, a laptop, and DVDs to keep us entertained.  Our current way of thinking place a significant amount of trust in abundance.   


They allowed us to make friends.  My Mom and Dad didn't scrutinize my friends and for the most part, may not have even known everyone that I considered a friend.  I generally made my own decisions as to who I would be friends with and my parents didn't conduct an on-line background check on my friends' parents, or 'friend' the kid's parent(s) on Facebook to find out what their deal was. Friendships weren't contrived by way of playdates. We made friends organically.  


I don't consider myself old, but things have changed quite a bit since I was little.  Some things are better, safer, less labor-intensive and more convenient; but unfortunately, many other things are more complicated, more dangerous and definitely more frustrating.  As I move forward into the future with my babies, I would be lying if I said that I wasn't nervous about navigating the winding and socially complicated road ahead of us.  I'm just grateful that I had a genuine, raw and meaningful upbringing that will serve me well as a benchmark for helping my own children.