Happiest I have ever been . . . .

Last night after dinner, we played outside in the backyard. Now that the weather is nicer and the sunshine lasts longer, the boys are ALWAYS asking to play outside. Drew and Owen were up and down the slide, in and out of the clubhouse, on the swings, playing with their golf clubs, "mowing" the lawn with their little mowers, you name it - they are are an active bunch with a heavy case of cabin fever still unwinding from the long winter. Dan was chasing them around the yard and getting quite a workout himself! Dan was pushing them on the swings and they would ask to go "higher, higher" and then yell out to me, "Mommy, mommy, look at me!"

With Evan cooing on my lap, I sat and watched all my "boys" (Dan included), and my heart smiled. I don't know if that's possible, but that is what I felt. It was more than a feeling of happiness; but one of completeness and it was incredible.

I have always been a happy person, blessed with wonderfully supportive family and friends and through hardwork and determination, felt as though I could do pretty much whatever I wanted to. But even throughout college, a time that I enjoyed immensely, I knew something was missing, but couldn't quite put my finger on it.

College is an interesting time in that it is your first true experience of "adulthood" and you are really out there on your own. Sure, your parents check in from time to time, but they had no idea of what I was doing on a daily basis. My life was my own. To mess up or run with. It was my own.

Fortunately, for my parents, I was an avid "studier" and worked hard to get good grades. I spent a lot of time preparing for exams (particularly, in grad school studying for the CPA exam) and found a sweet little coffee shop/bookstore called, "Pages for All Ages" that I found myself going to a lot. I would cozy up to a small table, enjoy the smell of my latte (that I'm sure I purchased on a credit card:), and watch the families with little children flood into the store. All of this relaxed me and make my work not seem so overwhelming. The sense of "family" must have been what I was drawn to in this store. I didn't know it at the time - I just knew it made me happy.

All throughout college, I soaked up every bit of "family" that I could. Although I loved U of I and my sense of "independence," I always felt sad when my parents left. One time, I even got tears in my eyes when my roommates' parents left (they definitely made fun of me for this)! Even during a semester that I spent overseas, I LOVED watching the family dynamic in every country I went to. I absolutely loved watching children with their parents and the sweet interaction that takes place between siblings when they are traveling or experiencing something new. It was in Spain that I confirmed this sense of "family" and realized what was missing. I could not wait to have my own.

Although everything came in good time - our graduations, our wedding, our first home, our first real professional jobs - nothing can compare to the moment we learned that we would be parents and even more so, the first glance we took at our new precious little babies. I had always heard that motherhood would be amazing, but I didn't realize that it was tugging at my heartstrings, even when I was only 19 years old in college! And last night, just watching my kids play and laugh, well, it made my heart swell and the sense of "family" resonated with me again. And this time, I knew that Dan and I created our very own family. I am a mother and I am certainly the "happiest I have ever been . . . "